[He works his jaw for a moment, trying to put his through process to words. ]
Okay so when I was making Nuktuk.. Ginger was always so confusing because she was my girlfriend sometimes and not other times. She kept saying like ‘ooh no Bolin, I’m Nuktuk’s girlfriend’ but I am Nuktuk. So that was a thing but then after that when I saved the president she wanted to be my girlfriend more of the time and kissed me and everything. Does that make sense? It made sense at the then, you’d have to’ve been there.
[Right? Right. ]
So this kind of like that except Ryan always flirts with me anyway on or off stage so if we’re like.. a thing- [GASP]
[ Okay, Wu. You can do this. This is what you've been training for. Sort of. Maybe. But he's had a lot of conversations with a lot of people over the last year about issues like this, about misconceptions and issues communicating, but this feels like a lot more. Like there's so much more here than Bolin's saying. ]
No, I don't think you are.
Ryan, he's just like that, you know? He flirts with me, too, but it doesn't mean anything. It's just how he is, it's how he relates to people. And I'm not saying he doesn't like you! I know he does, but probably as friends. Flirting isn't a big deal to him.
But, you know you aren't Nuktuk, right? You play Nuktuk, just like you're playing Columbia. And Eddie loves Columbia, but it doesn't mean that Ryan loves you, okay? That sounds kind of mean, but you know what I mean, right?
[ Does he?? Wu is really trying here, speaking as gently as he can to try and explain this. ]
It sounds like Ginger was really confusing about stuff like that. I don't think you should take her as an example for how you should be with a girlfriend or boyfriend. That sounds like, it sounds like she was taking advantage of you. Which is terrible, and I'm sorry she did that!
Bolin considers all of it, cycling through the points a few times. It’s a visual process, clearly visible on his face as his cogs whirr away]
Well that.. hm. Clears a few things up with Ryan.
[Wow that is embarrassing. Laid out in front of him like that it all seems painfully obvious. But is it, though? Is it really? Or is it just easier to agree so he doesn’t look stupid.]
Ginger didn’t take advantage of me. I don’t know where you got that from. I don’t see how she could have?
[ Good, good. At least that part's cleared up. Wu watches him think with a certain type of empathy because, yeah. He also thought the world worked differently than it does, once. ]
Well, you said that after you saved Raiko, she was all over you. That sounds like she was taking advantage of you liking her to mooch off your fame.
But, yeah, about Ryan. He has a boyfriend back home. I, well. I don't know how he feels about dating other people. But it depends, on if you really like him or thought you... had to.
[Its the second one. Very clearly, obviously the second one. And at the worst possible moment too considering his other thinking about boys in general.
Ahahaha imposter syndrome hello friend. Who let you into this conversation? Have a seat, have a seat.
Ryan has a boyfriend. All of this is totally not what he thought it was. He is an idiot. Shut it down. Shut it down fast before he embarrasses himself even more.]
Rrright.
Whoo boy. I’ve got everything the wrong way around, here. Let’s just forget we had this conversation, okay?
[ He chews on his lip, thinking about how to say this next part ]
You know you don't have to date anybody you don't want to, right? You don't have to date them or kiss them or anything if you don't want to. You get to choose who you do that with, or if you even want to do that.
[Oh man, he is so dumb how could he have gotten it into his head that Ryan even liked him. Of course he was just messing around.
Lance probably was too.
Does he even like boys? Did he just tell himself he should? We’re any of these feelings he’s been having real or did he just decide it’s something he should do?
Maybe it’s all a lie. Maybe he is the lie. Maybe he’s the same dumb second fiddle he’s always been- Wu is talking, what did he say? Crap, he wasn’t listening- just agree.]
What? No, no I know. You’re right. I’m just being being stupid. Classic Bolin!
[ Wu should drop it. He should drop it because clearly Bolin wants to drop it, but that's how he gets into problems. He lets things slide to be liked. But he doesn't want to be that anymore. So, even if it's uncomfortable, he's going to try: ]
I'm not saying you're stupid. You just, maybe you have some messed up thoughts about relationships! And that's not stupid. But, I think that thinking differently about them might be good for you.
[Wu has a point. A good point. He’s right and so there are two options: acknowledge that and open the can of worms that Wu definitely doesn’t need to know about (and probably doesn’t want to? Why would he..) or continue to push it off and lock down.
The second one makes more sense whilst upset but it just isn’t his style, and he’d only end up hurting their friendship. Wu doesn’t deserve that, he cares. Wu genuinely cares about him and that’s just not how you treat a friend.
Spirits know Bolin has done enough damage to his family lately.
He takes a long, slow breath and looks back up at the ceiling.]
I’m really embarrassed.
How do I think differently about relationships when the way I do think is wrong? How do I trust anything I think?
[ He actually listened? Wu honestly wasn't expecting that. If this was Mako, he probably would have grumbled and stormed out, but Bolin isn't his brother ]
Buddy, I don't think any different about you. I promise. Not knowing something is the first step to knowing something!
It's a really good question. I... don't really know? Which isn't helpful. But I do know that you're a great guy who deserves a great guy or gal, one who really likes you for you. But I guess... I guess it's good to ask? Ask what they mean by it if they're not clear. Like with Lance, you could ask what that kiss meant. Or with Ryan, you could ask what being stage boyfriends means, although, I can't promise that Ryan would answer that in a way that makes it any less confusing--
But you can also ask me! Or Mako. I wish I'd known what you thought about stage boyfriends, I honestly thought you were joking around, too! I'm sorry about that, buddy, I should have been looking out for you better.
[ Boy is he frustrating. Wu turns to him with a flat expression ]
Yes in a friend way! You look out for me. I know you do. So let me do that, too. And Ryan is my friend, and he's kind of a jerk, so I should have seen this all-- this.
[LOOK UR TOUCHING A WHOLE LOT OF HIS ISSUES RN. But also it’s kind of amazing he’s gotten away with not talking about any of this for so long. Curse you paleblood siren.
He is feeling all kinds of ways and honestly? A little blindsided. He just wanted to gossip about Mako and Wu being happy and now it’s all about him and his poor relationship with… relationships.]
Sorry, I’m sorry. No hackles, okay? I just don’t like feeling like I’m a burden.
Just, listen, [as he rolls back onto his side and rests his free hand on Wu. Whatever is closest. Arm? Shoulder blade? He needs to recap and diffuse.]
I really appreciate that you care. I’m trying not to be defensive, I agree with everything you’re saying. I have no idea what I’m doing and I need to get better at seeing these things sooner. I want to. I promise. I guess I have some work to do on knowing my boundaries, huh.
The last thing I want is you feeling like this is your fault or even Ryan’s when it’s mine.
[ Wu lets out a breath. Okay. He wants to keep pushing but maybe that was enough for one day. He can't just make Bolin change all at once. He doesn't want him to change, exactly. He wants him to, yeah ]
That's just it! Knowing your boundaries. And I know, I know it's not my fault, but it still doesn't mean I can't look out for you!
[ And he's going to tell Ryan he was being an asshole, for good measure ]
Well same goes for you. But buddy, trust me when I say I can handle it. I haven’t had a single relationship that didn’t end in disaster.
..which sounds pathetic but I mean it like it’s a good thing right now. Never mind. Im gonna cry that out later.
The point is, that I will be okay. I’ve probably been overreacting about this whole.. dudes.. and me.. thing, all of it. You know? I’m just gonna let it go and move on.
[ Wu watches him as he says all of that, and he nods. He gets it, that Bolin probably can't talk more about this right now, but it still aches. It aches because he cares about Bolin and wants him to be happy. They're basically family, and Wu has never had a family he cared about like this. It's novel and exciting and hard, and he surged forward to tackle Bolin in another hug, squeezing him tight. The calming effect of his magic hugs washes over them both ]
[Ngh that feels so nice. He wasn’t expecting a hug but Bolin accepts it whole heartedly, wrapping Wu up tight in return and letting the comfort wash through him.
When he speaks next, it’s soft and warm, if not a little emotional.]
Thank you. I know I will. Thank you for being here.
[ Easier than talking and, really, he's here to see Bolin's place. A normal thing to do, a thing he can do without trying to pry into Bolin's insecurities.
He lets Bolin go with another little smile, and settles in to watch something on their Omnis. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-01-13 03:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-13 04:01 pm (UTC)[ Because if he did, Wu is going to have Words with him. ]
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Date: 2022-01-13 07:16 pm (UTC)[He works his jaw for a moment, trying to put his through process to words. ]
Okay so when I was making Nuktuk.. Ginger was always so confusing because she was my girlfriend sometimes and not other times. She kept saying like ‘ooh no Bolin, I’m Nuktuk’s girlfriend’ but I am Nuktuk. So that was a thing but then after that when I saved the president she wanted to be my girlfriend more of the time and kissed me and everything. Does that make sense? It made sense at the then, you’d have to’ve been there.
[Right? Right. ]
So this kind of like that except Ryan always flirts with me anyway on or off stage so if we’re like.. a thing- [GASP]
Oh no- did I cheat on him? Am I a dirty cheater??
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Date: 2022-01-13 07:31 pm (UTC)No, I don't think you are.
Ryan, he's just like that, you know? He flirts with me, too, but it doesn't mean anything. It's just how he is, it's how he relates to people. And I'm not saying he doesn't like you! I know he does, but probably as friends. Flirting isn't a big deal to him.
But, you know you aren't Nuktuk, right? You play Nuktuk, just like you're playing Columbia. And Eddie loves Columbia, but it doesn't mean that Ryan loves you, okay? That sounds kind of mean, but you know what I mean, right?
[ Does he?? Wu is really trying here, speaking as gently as he can to try and explain this. ]
It sounds like Ginger was really confusing about stuff like that. I don't think you should take her as an example for how you should be with a girlfriend or boyfriend. That sounds like, it sounds like she was taking advantage of you. Which is terrible, and I'm sorry she did that!
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Date: 2022-01-13 10:59 pm (UTC)Bolin considers all of it, cycling through the points a few times. It’s a visual process, clearly visible on his face as his cogs whirr away]
Well that.. hm. Clears a few things up with Ryan.
[Wow that is embarrassing. Laid out in front of him like that it all seems painfully obvious. But is it, though? Is it really? Or is it just easier to agree so he doesn’t look stupid.]
Ginger didn’t take advantage of me. I don’t know where you got that from. I don’t see how she could have?
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Date: 2022-01-13 11:13 pm (UTC)Well, you said that after you saved Raiko, she was all over you. That sounds like she was taking advantage of you liking her to mooch off your fame.
But, yeah, about Ryan. He has a boyfriend back home. I, well. I don't know how he feels about dating other people. But it depends, on if you really like him or thought you... had to.
[ Which makes Wu pretty sad to even say ]
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Date: 2022-01-13 11:25 pm (UTC)Ahahaha imposter syndrome hello friend. Who let you into this conversation? Have a seat, have a seat.
Ryan has a boyfriend. All of this is totally not what he thought it was. He is an idiot. Shut it down. Shut it down fast before he embarrasses himself even more.]
Rrright.
Whoo boy. I’ve got everything the wrong way around, here. Let’s just forget we had this conversation, okay?
no subject
Date: 2022-01-13 11:36 pm (UTC)[ He chews on his lip, thinking about how to say this next part ]
You know you don't have to date anybody you don't want to, right? You don't have to date them or kiss them or anything if you don't want to. You get to choose who you do that with, or if you even want to do that.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-13 11:44 pm (UTC)Lance probably was too.
Does he even like boys? Did he just tell himself he should? We’re any of these feelings he’s been having real or did he just decide it’s something he should do?
Maybe it’s all a lie. Maybe he is the lie. Maybe he’s the same dumb second fiddle he’s always been- Wu is talking, what did he say? Crap, he wasn’t listening- just agree.]
What? No, no I know. You’re right. I’m just being being stupid. Classic Bolin!
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Date: 2022-01-14 12:14 am (UTC)[ Wu should drop it. He should drop it because clearly Bolin wants to drop it, but that's how he gets into problems. He lets things slide to be liked. But he doesn't want to be that anymore. So, even if it's uncomfortable, he's going to try: ]
I'm not saying you're stupid. You just, maybe you have some messed up thoughts about relationships! And that's not stupid. But, I think that thinking differently about them might be good for you.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-14 12:50 am (UTC)The second one makes more sense whilst upset but it just isn’t his style, and he’d only end up hurting their friendship. Wu doesn’t deserve that, he cares. Wu genuinely cares about him and that’s just not how you treat a friend.
Spirits know Bolin has done enough damage to his family lately.
He takes a long, slow breath and looks back up at the ceiling.]
I’m really embarrassed.
How do I think differently about relationships when the way I do think is wrong? How do I trust anything I think?
no subject
Date: 2022-01-14 01:17 am (UTC)Buddy, I don't think any different about you. I promise. Not knowing something is the first step to knowing something!
It's a really good question. I... don't really know? Which isn't helpful. But I do know that you're a great guy who deserves a great guy or gal, one who really likes you for you. But I guess... I guess it's good to ask? Ask what they mean by it if they're not clear. Like with Lance, you could ask what that kiss meant. Or with Ryan, you could ask what being stage boyfriends means, although, I can't promise that Ryan would answer that in a way that makes it any less confusing--
But you can also ask me! Or Mako. I wish I'd known what you thought about stage boyfriends, I honestly thought you were joking around, too! I'm sorry about that, buddy, I should have been looking out for you better.
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Date: 2022-01-14 01:31 am (UTC)[He looks back over, brows knit.]
I know it’s Mako’s thing but you don’t have to make it yours. Unless you mean in the friend way where we all look out for each other.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-14 01:40 am (UTC)[ Boy is he frustrating. Wu turns to him with a flat expression ]
Yes in a friend way! You look out for me. I know you do. So let me do that, too. And Ryan is my friend, and he's kind of a jerk, so I should have seen this all-- this.
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Date: 2022-01-14 01:54 am (UTC)He is feeling all kinds of ways and honestly? A little blindsided. He just wanted to gossip about Mako and Wu being happy and now it’s all about him and his poor relationship with… relationships.]
Sorry, I’m sorry. No hackles, okay? I just don’t like feeling like I’m a burden.
Just, listen, [as he rolls back onto his side and rests his free hand on Wu. Whatever is closest. Arm? Shoulder blade? He needs to recap and diffuse.]
I really appreciate that you care. I’m trying not to be defensive, I agree with everything you’re saying. I have no idea what I’m doing and I need to get better at seeing these things sooner. I want to. I promise. I guess I have some work to do on knowing my boundaries, huh.
The last thing I want is you feeling like this is your fault or even Ryan’s when it’s mine.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-14 02:12 am (UTC)That's just it! Knowing your boundaries. And I know, I know it's not my fault, but it still doesn't mean I can't look out for you!
[ And he's going to tell Ryan he was being an asshole, for good measure ]
I don't want you to get hurt if I can help it.
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Date: 2022-01-14 02:18 am (UTC)..which sounds pathetic but I mean it like it’s a good thing right now. Never mind. Im gonna cry that out later.
The point is, that I will be okay. I’ve probably been overreacting about this whole.. dudes.. and me.. thing, all of it. You know? I’m just gonna let it go and move on.
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Date: 2022-01-14 02:32 pm (UTC)You'll figure it out! I know you will.
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Date: 2022-01-14 07:31 pm (UTC)When he speaks next, it’s soft and warm, if not a little emotional.]
Thank you. I know I will. Thank you for being here.
[Helps when you have so much good support.
A beat. Then two.]
Do you wanna watch something?
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Date: 2022-01-15 12:42 am (UTC)[ Easier than talking and, really, he's here to see Bolin's place. A normal thing to do, a thing he can do without trying to pry into Bolin's insecurities.
He lets Bolin go with another little smile, and settles in to watch something on their Omnis. ]